A Lover of Beauty

I’m a lover of beauty. I crave it, thirst and yearn for it. I dream of beauty deep, genuine and endless. God beauty is what I long for; beauty that originates in heaven and is manifested here in this daily, ordinary living. Beauty that welcomes, rests, refreshes and draws one’s heart to worship the author of all things beautiful.

All my life I have dreamed of being rich in God beauty; gracious, loving, caring, serving… not in a weary, frazzled kind of way but with a glad heart, a restful spirit- God’s spirit. A spirit that will lighten the load of a weary soul, that will spread cheer to the downcast and give strength to the weak. A spirit of love and compassion that will give the bitter and wandering soul something to yearn and thirst for. A beauty so strong that even in the soul’s darkest hour it will shine forth like the sun at noon day showing the path to God. I have seen that kind of beauty and I’m jealous for it.

I think this beauty craving is the reason I so love the book, 1,000 Gifts written by Ann Voskamp  a busy farmer’s wife and mother of 6 lively children. The book is a beautifully written treasure telling about her personal search for beauty which led her not only to discover endless beautiful gifts surrounding her in her everyday life but also to fall in love with the creator of beauty himself, Jesus!!

You know you can read all kinds of books that are good but sometimes things will just resonate with truth. For me, reading this book was one of those truth times. That quest for beauty is a journey that I need to go on. I need to search for and count the gifts that surround me; gifts from Jesus.

I just so often find myself instead of at peace- restless, striving, frustrated while the dust comes in faster than I can sweep it out and the sweat runs in rivers down my back. Bent over kneading the bread dough fast I wish busy feet would stay outside or sneaking a cup of cold kambucha so I won’t have to pass out five little cups… My vases are empty and my candle has no flame.

This is not the woman I want to be.

I want the calm, restful spirit that without saying a word says, “ You are valued and loved, your heart is welcome. It doesn’t matter who you were or are you are precious to me because you are precious to God.”

I want my heart to be at rest, full of thanksgiving, counting my love gifts even when the towels hang damp and someone has peed on the rug. Even when the breakfast eggs come out rotten and the cat chewed up the bread. And in the midst of the cook complaining of vampires in the night and the gardener irate threatening to chop off feet.

I’ll find gifts and I’ll count them one by one by one till kingdom come!!