In June when I went to the states for a two week furlough my trip started out on the wrong foot and pretty much stayed that way. I missed my first flight out of Haiti due to a terrible traffic snarl in the city, I actually thought that this time we might actually never get out but of course in the end we did but I had to fly stand-by all the way home and my sisters had to wait for many long hours till I finally straggled in at midnight instead of the original 5:30. We had planned a lovely evening eating out at an Asian bistro but of course by the time I got there the party spirit had long departed and we just wanted to get home the quickest way possible so instead of spring rolls and peanut sauce I ate a crunchy apple and drank a pint of cold milk.
My very good friend was going on a trip with her husband-leaving at 6:00 the next morning and they wouldn't be back till after my furlough was over so this dear friend came to my sister’s house at 1:00 am to be able to see me for a bit. It was very special but definitely not the quality time we had looked forward too.
Then we packed up to travel to MI where my cousin was getting married and where we expected to spend a lovely weekend enjoying good food and friends. Instead we ended up halfway there broken down and the van we had rented didn’t get fixed till the wedding was long over. Not only that- we walked with 5 kids and a whole bunch of heavy luggage down the city sidewalk for several miles till we finally found a motel. Thankfully the people there were very helpful and sympathetic, making an exception to the discharge time to accommodate our needs without emptying our wallets. And thankfully there was a store to buy diapers and a nice restaurant right next door!
When the van finally got fixed we were undecided about whether to go on to MI or just go home again. I really wanted to go on to MI so we did but by the time we got there the wedding was over and the party spirit was gone along with all the good food… and though it was nice to see the cousins the party was just plain over and we wished we would have saved money and time and just gone home instead.
The climate change proved to be too much for my culture-shocked body and I came down with a terrible cold, sore throat, fever, and a relentless cough which hung on for the duration of my furlough including the entire weekend of our family reunion. I wandered through stores in a fevered daze trying desperately to remember what it was that I had wanted to for sure buy. Several times I left things thinking I’ll buy this next time I come to this store never thinking that this was my only chance so in the end I flew back to Haiti without things I actually needed badly and with my suitcase packed with things I didn’t need so much. –very frustrating…
As for the family reunion- it was great seeing everyone but I found myself many times in a daze not able to think clearly to talk about the things I had planned to discuss with the sisters. For months I had looked forward with great anticipation to singing with the nieces and nephews but my voice was so gone I could barely squeak so I just had to sit and listen. I was often homesick for Veronika thinking how much she would enjoy being here with her cousins and feeling guilty for eating so much good healthy food and not being able to provide them for my baby. As a result I moved rather quietly through the reunion weekend without spending real quality time with anyone.
I was undergoing some intense therapy for carpal tunnel syndrome which took a chunk out of each day and then I found out the insurance I have with the mission won’t cover the therapy but would have covered expensive surgery… So I was left with a big bill. Thankfully I had an inside connection and was able to get a big discount but like everything else in life it wasn’t free!
Now four months later-
My second to oldest nephew is getting married! It is a memorable event- the first of the 40 nieces and nephew to make that big step from single youth to married couple. No doubt soon to produce offspring, as in my family we believe in reproducing ourselves many times over so as not to deprive the world of our gracious presence, which will make me a great aunt!!
So several months ago I had my sister start looking for a cheap ticket to come home for the wedding… weeks and then months went by and still no ticket appeared. What the problem was I will never know for sure… Meanwhile the arrangements I had made for Veronika while I was gone fell through and I thought maybe this was God telling me to stay here and not even go to the wedding since I still didn’t have a ticket yet. I actually gave it up and had no plans to go till I was persuaded I was being ridiculous and that Veronika would not be permanently damaged by getting a little less attention than usual staying here at the children's home instead of with my friend as I had originally planned. So I notified my sister and she agreed to find a ticket.
Meanwhile I got sick, terribly sick. My whole body, every inch was sick. I could hardly move from my bed except to use the bathroom. I had fever, headache, nausea, diarrhea, dizziness, every bone ached, I broke with sores… I can’t remember of ever being that sick before. Malaria and a high infection turned out to be my diagnosis and for both- high doses of strong meds. Meds so toxic they cause mental disturbance- nightmares of floating above my bed, of men talking outside my window, of the devil holding my arm…It was awful not to mention the dizziness that was so severe I could barely open my eyes-this lasted for 8 terrible days but by far the most terrible part was seeing Veronika’s hurt confusion when I didn’t respond to her needs and when she had to be shut out of my bedroom because I could not deal with her noise and bouncing. Not only that but we got a work team of 5 guys so that left Sulley and Alicia to deal with 7 small children plus cooking, laundry and hosting of the work team all by themselves.
Then my itinerary for my ticket came and lo and behold it was for days earlier than I could even think of leaving. In fact I was still so sick I knew there was no way I would even have the strength to travel at that time and I could not think of leaving Veronika in the distraught shape she was in and while the work team was still here. Again it was a terrible time- my travel time less than a week away and now the wrong dates. I was crushed. I had been so determined that this time I would take plenty of precautions to try to avoid some of the nightmares of my previous visit home and already everything seemed to be on the wrong foot. After many phone calls and many hundreds of dollars later I got another ticket for the correct dates!! Praise God!
Now I plan to put these things behind me and move ahead. I am regaining my strength, and trying to get Veronika straightened out before I leave on Mon. morning. I dread with all my heart leaving her behind for 8 days. Once that child is legally mine I will probably sob and weep for at least a couple weeks just for pure joy- but until then I just have to trust that God’s grace will sustain her and me during these times.
I am humbly acknowledging that I am not in control of my plans- Jesus knows everything and he is in control. While I am excited about being with my family again for a bit and making eager plans I know very well that God may have different plans. I know this sounds kind of selfish but I am really praying that God would bless my trip and that it could be a pleasant, relaxing, and successful time. If you have read all of this and are still with me, could you please pray for me too?!! and for my trip?!!
