Lovena was a twenty one year old girl who came to us weighing only twenty pounds! She was the most pitiful, broken, sick, human being I have ever seen! I know very little about her life besides that she suffered some of the severest neglect imaginable to my human mind. Years ago when she was young and her parents were alive she was cared for and loved even though she always had some significant mental and physical delays. At some point she was severely burned which damaged her face, arm and her one hand but she received decent medical care for that and recovered. And then both of her parents passed away leaving her with her grandmother and two brothers who seemingly cared little for her. My guess is that she was around the age of 5 or 6 when the severe neglect and starvation began as that was the approximate size of her body and bone structure. Because of her extremely small size I believe that she was not only deprived of food but also of human touch and stimulation. It is a mystery how God designed us to need each other; children and babies literally will not grow if they do not receive physical touch and interaction. That is why some say that abuse is better than neglect because a child is still getting input and with neglect its just a whole lot of NOTHING!!
Following I will be writing about the three weeks Lovena spent in my home before she moved to her heavenly home on January 26 2014.
I will never forget the moment when I first unwrapped the big blue blanket and saw Lovena. Her tiny emaciated body and contractured limbs brought tears to my eyes. My mind began to spin. I truly did not even know how or where to start so I simply put a diaper on her and sat in the rocking chair and held her for a while. I tried to talk to her to put her at ease but she was not impressed! She made complaining noises and pointed toward the door and then toward the kitchen where Dadou was washing up the breakfast dishes.
Somehow I pulled myself together and started: a warm bath, diluted sugar milk, diluted ORS, called on the Dr… Her condition was overwhelming. But after poring over the W.H.O. website and consulting with the Dr. we came up with an intensive, round the clock, care plan.
I will never forget the first time I gently lowered her into a warm soapy bath and she nearly jumped out of my hands trying to turn her head to gulp bath water! She was so very thirsty!!
…….. And the gospel really is so simple- a drink of cold water only in the name of a disciple.
This beautiful blessing hung over Lovena’s bed! Words straight from God’s heart! Thank you, dear Julia for choosing those words of life to be Lovena’s blessing! I read them over and over and over and believed them for my tiny, broken, girl!
Lovena being so loved by her friend Julia!!
Through that first grueling week I learned a lot about Lovena, how to read her and know what she wants and needs. She was visibly more peaceful and relaxed at night when I played soft music, hymns and scripture. She liked her own space and did not like to be held too much or sit up for more than several minutes. At times she wanted only to be on the hard floor! She would firmly pull her blanket over her legs and want to stay covered and then at other times she cried to have her clothes taken off!
One thing about Lovena that I saw from the very beginning was how much she appreciated being cared for! Almost every time I bathed, lotioned and dressed her and every time I did her hair she would smile! When she saw me getting ready to put a shirt or pants on her she would lift up her leg to go in the pants and put her arms through the sleeves of her shirt! She loved all that, but just cuddle time? no thanks! She always gave me a sharp pinch and pointed back to her bed!! Did she not want to be treated like a baby or was it simply overwhelming to her? I really don’t know.
May the peace of God rest upon your sweet head!!
Lovena loved to watch the Gaither Homecoming dvds more than anything else! I will never forget how I found her one evening with her eyes closed and a huge smile on her face as she rocked back and forth in perfect timing to the music of old gospel hymns! It was a sacred moment for me. A moment of sensing the presence of Jesus so close and so evident and yet mysteriously invisible to my human eyes.
More God moments! She feels the love!!
By the end of her second week she was doing so well I actually dared to hope that she would one day have flesh on those bones and that she would live a happy life being loved and cherished! The Dr. was encouraging and we saw signs of improvement. Her gums stopped bleeding and the foul odor from her mouth completely disappeared!! She was so responsive to love and care! She reached toward me for comfort and reassurance when she was uneasy about something. She was feeding herself fruits and vegetables that I offered her and most amazingly taking her cup and drinking by herself with out spilling a drop!! All while laying down!! She would even take her cup and bang on the side of her bed and motion toward the water cooler when she needed a drink!!
And then toward the end of her third week just when I thought she might be ready for a bit more protein in her diet and a bit more stimulation in her life she began to spiral downward. On Friday night she was very active and animated, moving all around on her bed, laughing and rocking herself back and forth. She seemed so bright and happy even in the middle of the night! I don’t think she slept much that night. And then early in the morning when I got up to feed her I found her on the floor beside her toddler bed. I picked her up, took her into my room and put her on a blanket on the floor as that was her favorite spot to be. She eagerly drank her milk then fell asleep.
Later that morning when it was time for her next feed she was still sound asleep but opened her eyes and drank her milk. A little later I gave her water and a tiny square of toast. She seemed very sleepy and her heart was racing. Thinking she was just over tired from not sleeping during the night I let her rest in my room for several hours and just kept coming back to check on her. Then around noon I saw there was something serious going on. I knew she was dying! And I was frantic! I kept trying to make her open her eyes and when she did they only focused for a moment and then rolled back in head and closed again like she was so tired. Over and over I kept saying, “ Lovena, don’t die, don’t die, Lovena!! Not yet!! “
The Dr. came immediately when we called him but Lovena needed more than what he could give her at the house. We rushed her to the closest hospital and all the way while she lay in my arms my heart and brain kept pleading, no, no, don’t die! Please don’t die!
God in his goodness and grace so ordained that that hospital we went to was hosting a medical team!! What tender care and love they extended to Lovena but in the end the most loving thing they did was to stand by and support me as Lovena’s caregiver to make her as comfortable as possible in her last hours of life. Lovena was diagnosed with diabetic ketoacidosis but in her fragile physical condition and with limited resources there was just nothing that anyone could do to save her life.
In the evening she was very irritable. One minute she wanted me to be beside her but then she pushed me away again. I kept trying to soothe her in any way I could think of, giving her pain meds, water and ORS and she even wanted to drink her milk. Hour after weary hour passed as I kept a lonely vigil by her bedside. God’s spirit was there in that room and over and over and over I heard it, “ Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for thou art with me…” And I knew those ancient words were for me and that I was walking with Lovena through her valley and I need not fear! Then in the wee hours of the morning she slipped into a coma. I rested my head on the pillow beside her there and felt the tearing of my heart and the letting go. When morning light flooded the dry, barren landscape outside I knew this was the day Lovena would see Jesus and I was ok with that.
Knowing how much Lovena enjoyed being clean and cared for I wanted to get her ready for her important day! The Dr. so kindly brought me a basin with warm water. And for the last time I took a soft wash cloth with body wash and gently bathed Lovena’s weary, little, body. For the last time I massaged her with sweet lotion and chose a cute outfit to put on her. I brushed her hair and braided it fresh.
Then gathering her up in her soft white blanket I carried her out of the hospital and we brought her home to die in peace. Her grandmother came and our calm, faithful Dr. came, the children gathered round, wide eyed and quiet. They touched her gentle like and several of them bent low and kissed her. I just sat on the rocking chair holding her wrapped in her white blanket, rocking and waiting for Jesus. Then the moment came and once again Jesus was so close. I heard the words again in my heart, “ Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for thou art with me…” Lovena drew her last breath and I feared no evil because Jesus was there and I knew she had simply passed from my arms to his!!
Dear Lovena,
I thank Jesus every day that he allowed me to be a part of your life even if it was only for several weeks. Thank you for letting me care for you and serve you in your weakness.
Thank you for responding to the love of Jesus that I extended to you and for trusting me even though you had been ignored and mistreated over and over!
Lovena, I’m so happy for you that you get to be perfect and whole in heaven with your creator God! But I really miss you! I think about you every day and wonder what you’re doing. I miss the way you looked me in the eyes and smiled when I told you that Jesus loves you! I miss your hand reaching out to touch my hair and the feeling of your arm around my neck when I carried you.
I even miss your middle of the night giggles!! And the way you smiled when I did your hair all pretty!!
I miss you Lovena, but I could never wish you back!!
God’s ways are good and perfect. He is the one who wrote your life story and he is the one who planned that I should have a part in your journey! A part of my heart is yours Lovena, and will be until we meet again in heaven forever!!
